The Tooth Fairy Is One Sneaky Bitch

WOW! We made it through the whole missed bus, bad mommy who forgot to send her kid with hat and mittens in 30 degree weather, crap-filled Monday, only to discover that her hat and mittens that I couldn't find were in fact with her in her backpack. To my credit (if there is any) they were hidden in the middle sized pouch, not to be confused with the slightly larger or slightly smaller sized pouches- damn foreign made backpack!

But our day did end on a slightly painful high note. When I got home from work last night I could tell something was up because Mae and my hubby looked at each other, smiled then tried to ignore me, while Binny bounds over and yells "MaeMae lost her tooth!" Then all hell broke loose and everyone started crying except for me because I'm all, "What the hell is going on and why is everyone hysterical over a tooth." It's well known in our house that Binny is a secret spoiler and has ruined almost every surprise that she's been in on. Our solution to that- don't tell Binny anything. But I think that Binny actually helped extract Mae's tooth so there goes my grand plan. Anyhow after we calmed them down, I heard the tale of how Mae lost her first tooth.

Ready? So this is how it went down. The girls were in the house watching the ever-educational TV and Mae starts working on her tooth. Where was Daddy you ask? Out in the shed because 4&6 is old enough to be in the house alone right? So, "back and forth, back and forth until... it went way far back, then way far front and then just like that it came out and it bled a little, but I'm OK and Binny and I were so excited and jumped up and down and hugged and we ran outside to the shed to tell Daddy and we even remembered to shut the door, then we told Dad and then we ran back in the house and I put it in a bag and I ran upstairs and I put my tooth under my pillow for the tooth fairy and I ran back downstairs and then and then, then I, what did I do next Dad? Oh yeah, I made a map for the tooth fairy because she's never been here before and do you think she can read my map?" (breathe Mae, breathe)



Very accurate, I must say.

So last night after she was sound asleep I the Tooth Fairy tiptoed into her room, snatched the tooth and left her a toothbrush with a dollar wrapped around it. When she got up this morning I could here her run down the stairs, swing the door open and yell so dramatically "She came and she brought me 2 things"

So this potentially tragic event went pretty well, now my worst fear has been realized- missing teeth in the Christmas photo.

I Hate Mondays

I just drove Mae to school because the bus was a whole 10 minutes early! 10 minutes is the difference between having breakfast and getting her hair brushed or leaving the house hungry with bed hair. So I chose to feed her, put her hair up in a ponytail and drive her to school. That also meant that Binny had to come along, I know my hubbby would have thought about turning on the TV, giving her a bowl of cereal and just leave her home for the 5 minutes it would take to run to school and back home, but that's not me. I don't even leave my kids in the car when I pay for gas, probably because I also leave my keys in the car. How would I explain that one? "Officer, I was only inside for a minute and when I came out they were gone."

So being stressed from having missed the bus, I hurriedly dressed Binny, put coats and shoes on the girls and we all jumped in the car and headed to school (me wearing PJs and sandals.) Mae hopped out of the car and headed for the door of the school, when finally after all this time, and seeing the weather report this morning I realized that it was only 30 degrees outside and had forgot to pack hat and mittens. Bad Mommy! I thought about just ignoring it, but I knew that she'd be complaining during recess, and I be the parent they're referring to in the note about proper winter dress, that would undoubtedly be coming home with her after school today. So I called her back over to the car and hollered "get back in" while all of the other parents who dropped off their appropriately dressed children were waiting for me to move my car out of the driveway.

On the way back to our house we got stuck behind a tractor going not more than 15 and couldn't pass until we were almost home. I ran into the house to discover that her mittens were missing so I had to give her Binny's mittens and a mismatched hat, then promise to buy Binny new mittens before she goes to school this afternoon.

Mae made it to school on time, now I'm just wondering if the hat and mittens will make it back home or if I should just stock up for the season.

Carrie Rodriguez Show And The Tallest Man I've Ever Seen- EVER!

Several weeks ago the local public radio station was giving away concert tickets on their website. Free shit's always good, right? I had hoped for the Dolly Parton tickets and a few days later when I saw the envelope in the mailbox I was so excited. But it wasn't Dolly Parton tickets (I think the Dolly show is on a Monday night, so we probably wouldn't have been able to go after all.) But I did win tickets... to see Carrie Rodriguez, who is also great.

So last night we packed up our kids and pawned them off on took them over to my in-laws for the night. Gotta love relatives who live nearby. We went out for dinner and headed into the city for the show. The show was at the Pabst (yes, the beer) theater in Milwaukee. I had never been to the Pabst but heard that it's a great place to see a show. As we were driving around, and around, and around the parking garage we spot a couple walking from their car to the building. The odd part- the man had to duck under the sprinkler pipes hanging from the ceiling in order to not hit his head. He must have been almost 8 feet tall. Can you even imagine being that tall? He doesn't fit through any standard door, had to bend down in the elevator and how in the world does an 8 foot tall man sleep- standing up?

I am a very short 5'2" and have always wished that I could be a bit taller. I don't want to be super-model tall, but wouldn't mind a few more inches. But so tall that I would need custom-made clothes and not fit into my own house- forget it! This man towered over the entire crowd and at one point we were sitting four rows behind him and still had to look around his super tall silhouette. After the opening band finished we went out to the bar to get a drink and there was the tall man standing next to a floor to ceiling column with a poster on it advertising:

Pabst Blue Ribbon Tall Boys $3.00

My hubby insisted that I should take a photo with my camera phone but that just seemed mean, so I have no photo to spread on the internet.

By the way the show was great! Carrie Rodriguez was fantastic, as was the openeing band- Romantica.

Another Great Ad in the Squeak

Someone's husband is in trouble, I know that because no woman would hoist that heavy thing into the back of the wrong truck.

Very amusing, considering it's not my Bissel carpet steamer. If it happens that any of you reading this discovered it in the back of your truck, let me know and we'll get it back to it's rightful owner. Ha!

Also, thank you to everyone who has posted comments, especially Kathy- it's so nice to hear from family.

A Tale of Thanksgiving Past

I think it was Mae's first Thanksgiving way back in 2002 or was it 2003? It was Thanksgiving day and at that time we were still going to 2 or 3 Thanksgiving meals to please our families (especially with an infant) so this would have been the final meal for the day and thank goodness we had already eaten.

It started out with us arriving at my in-laws house and noticing several deer carcasses, some detached from their hides strewn about the yard in various stages of disassembly. Something very much to be expected from this group of men. My brother-in-law is an avid hunter and thinks it's sooooo damn funny to gross out the women with tales of shooting a fawn's mother, or the gruesome task of butchering the deer and asking "wanna help?" Maybe that's why he's not married anymore.

So we get in the house, I unwrap my sterile pumpkin pie and notice my father-in-law standing over the stove wearing his blaze orange hunting cap (which by the way never came off all evening) gnawing on a chunk of meat that he just removed from a boiling pot on the stove. I look at him, examine the meat and immediately think oh my god what the hell are we eating for dinner? Turns out that was not our Thanksgiving dinner, but it was the coveted deer heart. He stabs a shriveled up ventricle with his fork and says "Aliceson, try this, and grab me another beer." After about a minute of everyone convincing me to shove it in my mouth, I suck it up and take a bite. It wasn't too bad, a little chewy and awfully dense. I guess what should I expect from ORGAN MEAT?

Much to my delight, there was a turkey roasting in the oven with all the fixings. We all sit down to the completely expanded dining room table covered in Thanksgiving glory. They must have all been hungry after a day of deer slaying because that was the fastest prayer I have ever heard out of them other than the time at our wedding when we asked my Brother-in-law to bless the food and during his rambling into the microphone, he forgot! So after the hurried "Our Father" the food began to fly and believe me when I say fly it was because when my sister-in-law bit into a warm "tube biscuit" she realized that it was not cooked all the way through as did the rest of the gang, so my MIL, bless her heart, turns on the oven, grabs the baking sheet and says "throw em back on." In the midst of half-eaten biscuits sailing across the table someone bumps their head on the chandelier over the table and a bunch of dead bugs fall out of the fixture and into... the mashed potatoes. Grrross! I was apparently the only one who noticed and sounded like a real pain in the ass when I asked someone to scoop out the dried bugs, followed by a shout from my father-in-law in the kitchen of "it only hurts a little while" his standard response to almost anything. And you know what? He's right, none of us got sick.

Makes me look forward to this year's meal, although I think I will be cooking for them here. No heart, hopefully no dead bugs and heaven help me, no tube biscuits! Can't wait!

This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by Butterball.

http://www.butterball.com/
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Time for Change

Since we changed the clocks back yesterday I have had a hard time adjusting. I've never really noticed before except the extra hour of sleep, which is usually very helpful. Maybe it was that my sleep Saturday night was anything but sound. Binny came down around 3:30 with a fever and a seriously snotty nose. After we got her some Tylenol and and a couple of good nose blows she crawled into bed with us, but by this time she couldn't sleep. About an hour later after being kicked for the umpteenth time I decided that I would take my sick kid into the living room to see if there happened to be any cartoons on the TV, and I lucked out. We laid in the recliner and watched cartoons until the Sunday morning political shows started. Then Binny says "Mom I'm hungry now." That was my cue to turn off Meet The Press and make breakfast.

Maybe we're all ready for this election to be over. Can you believe it's been two long years already? I never would have guessed that it would be down to Barack Obama and John McCain. What ever happened to Ron Paul, Hillary Clinton, Rudy Guiliani, and the rest of the gang? Does it all come down to the issues? I sure hope so, but how can anyone tell when the focus is on hairstyles, $150,000 wardrobes, and false ads.

Vote Tomorrow!
Then hopefully we can move on.

Lazy Saturday

After a night of Trick-or-Treating, Pizza and too much candy, we decided to sleep in and not do a whole lot on Saturday. It was a beautiful day (unseasonably warm according to the local Meteorologist) and this time of year, I'll take what I can get. So we spent most of the day outside. We burned a big pile of brush, and I put away all of my flower pots and hanging baskets. The remnants of my once beautiful flowers looked awfully sad after the frost had killed off most of them, or was it because I gave up watering? Either way it was time to go.

It was also one more day for our dogs to be able to lounge outside in the sun.

"Leave me alone"