Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thanksgiving Confessions

I started writing this post a few days ago before my grandfather's health started to decline, so while I do feel odd posting something so silly today, I have decided that sitting and crying about it won't do me any good, plus I'm still making a big honking Thanksgiving meal tomorrow so what the heck, here goes...

Before I even start blathering on about my own Thanksgiving traditions and tricks, you must read (if you haven't already) Helen's Thanksgiving Letter To The Family. After you wipe away the tears that will come from laughing so hard (and possibly a change of underpants for the mom crowd), read her letters from years past. You will not be disappointed. I especially love that she prefers to cook the meal entirely herself and if her guests bring something, let's say sub-par, she lets them know. In my husband's family, that sub-par item would have to be either the snotty looking green bean casserole or as I like to call it, how many cans of Campbell's cream of mushroom soup did you add to an otherwise tasty and healthy vegetable? Or the Snicker bar and apple salad (I use the term 'salad' very loosely for a dish whose main ingredients are 3 candy bars and 2 tubs of cool whip). That said I like to have the meal at my house and avoid another Holiday of this.

Once again I will be making a big meal on Thanksgiving day for my husband's parents and brother-in-law and possibly a few single men from my family, but I'm sure they won't actually respond to my offer until the night before or even call 20 minutes before we eat and nonchalantly ask what we're having for dinner. Which brings me to the topic of this very post. Although I'm sure my meal will be the best in Wisconsin great, I have a few confessions to make about this year's Thanksgiving.
  1. I have decided not to make a turkey this year. *gasp* No I didn't pick up one of those weird Tofurkey things from Trader Joe's, I'm actually making an 11 pound happy chicken. Seriously, if you're going to not eat meat then don't eat meat. Why dress up tofu to make it look and taste like turkey? Plus chicken is way better than turkey, just sayin'.
  2. Since I don't think that my in-laws will notice, much less give a shit, I plan to serve the less expensive wine (2-Buck Chuck to be exact) this year.
  3. The pie crust will contain lard. Get over it now. (Not sounding so appetizing after all the talk of blocked arteries today though.)
  4. I plan to spend all day cooking in the kitchen, what I won't divulge (to my guests) is the fact that I will open a good bottle of wine for sipping during food preparation. Gotta keep the cook happy right?
  5. I may be very excited about cooking and serving a big meal but I really don't care for the post dinner clean-up, especially after several glasses of wine eating a huge meal. No one should be surprised if I ignore the mess in the kitchen or even fake a headache to get out of clean-up.
  6. I will be adding lots of butter and sour cream to the mashed potatoes. Get over it now.
  7. My green beans will resemble actual green beans.
  8. Canned cranberry sauce (cranberry wiggle) is banned from this house. I will serve traditional cranberry sauce made from actual cranberries.
  9. Just because it's deer hunting season doesn't mean that my guests may wear their blaze orange outerwear complete with doe vaginal secretion scent at the dinner table. You think I'm joking? Then you obviously have never eaten Thanksgiving with serious deer hunters.
  10. No football. No one in this family are real football (or any kind of sport for that matter) fans anyway so I'm not really breaking any hearts with this one. We will instead be watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and the dog show (Perhaps a big, drooly Saint Bernard will win this year???).
Update on my Grandpa Conrad:
I called my grandmother this morning for an update and she broke down as she told me we were losing him. The situation didn't sound very promising at all. I then called my aunt, an RN and the voice of reason in our family and we talked about what she knew which was that the Cardiologist was planning to place a stint in one of the blocked/collapsed arteries this morning and get a better idea of treatment options. My Grandmother's friend B called me this afternoon to let me know what she knew after being at the hospital with my grandparents all day. She said the blockage and overall shape of the bad artery was too severe to even attempt the stint procedure. Grandpa does however have an extra artery that has been acting like a natural bypass for the blocked artery, taking over the load.

For now the doc wants to just adjust Grandpa's meds and do another Echocardiogram in a month to see if surgically placing a defibrillator would be an option. For a while this afternoon we were all worried that he only had a few days left but now his odds look better for an even longer and productive life as the doc said he could even go back to playing in jams and with the Arizona Banjo Band in the next few weeks, something our family can look forward to and certainly be thankful for this Thanksgiving!

I thought about going out to Arizona this weekend to be with them and help them in any way I can (cooking, driving them to doctor appointments, etc.) but for now I think that it would be premature to do so and plus my aunt will heading there on Friday after she returns to AZ from visiting her family. Once she gets there and fills me in, I'll make plans to fly out there and see them.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and kind words! And don't forget to take time out tomorrow between Turkey, mashed potatoes and pie to give thanks for the ones you love, I know I will.


Riot Kitty said...

Sending good thoughts to your grandpa, and to you for having to sit with vagina deer scented people!

Shady Lady said...

1. Whew! You scared me there with the Tofurkey. We switched to chicken last year, too. You're right. Chicken is better than turkey.

2. Awww man, it's 3-buck chuck here. Do you think they throw anything special in for the extra dollar?

3. I know this is controversial, but there is nothing wrong with saturated fat and a lot right with it. Check out the Weston A. Price website.

4. You go girl!

5. I hear ya sista!

6. see #3! :)

7. Hallelujah!! I hate that gloppy green bean mess.

8. I'm with you there again. I just finished making my cranberries with grand marnier and slivered good!

9. Uhm....EWWWWWW!!!!

10. I kinda wish we had football here. That would mean that the Lizard King was home.

And finally, hugs to you. I know how hard this is. Hang in there.

Happy Thanksgiving!!! And I should probably say, sorry for the post on your post. ;)

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Happy Thanksgiving. Sending thoughts to you and your Grandpa.

Aliceson said...

SL, The Charles Shaw wine is $3 here now too but I still call it 2 buck Chuck. Stubborn I guess.

I will have to check out the info on sat. fats. I have all that lard from the pig we bought a few months back so I thought I would try it. So far I am impressed, the pie crusts are so flaky and flavorful!

Such Lovely Freckles said...

Oh my gosh, you made me laugh hard. You should check out my Thanksgiving post. Not nearly as funny, but it's about food.
Oh, and my green beans are always delicious and al dente... no cream of mushroom soup (yuck!!!).

And yes, hugs to you about your grandfather. It's hard, and I know that all too well. :(

sheila said...

OMG, I seriously never knew you were SO funny! I mean, I laugh here, but this was GREAT! lol. !!

I cannot BELIEVE you took a bite of that deer heart! YUCK YUCK YUCK! BLEH! lol! OMG! ha ha ha!

And now on a more serious note...I really hope your grampa gets better soon. It's tough. I'll say a prayer here on my end. :)

Kelly said...

Hugs :)!