1. Bingo somewhere every night of the week. If you are under 55, be prepared to explain which retiree is your grandparent or run the risk of having your tires slashed. Also be sure not to wear an outfit that clashes with your Bingo bag.
2. Dinner at 4 o'clock and an inordinate amount of snacks in between meals. I swear I must have put on 5 pounds this week.
3. The handicap parking spaces are the first to fill up. Be careful, there's a reason the doctors hand those out... That said, I am in love with the little man in the chair license plates on the back of my grandmother's car. No more parking way in the back of the lot.
4. If your hair is a color other than white or old lady blue, you look out of place.
5. It's never a bad time for a coffee break. And while you're making a pot you might as well get the cookies out too.
6. Old people loves those annoying little yappy dogs, they especially like to give them cute names like Tinkerbell and Precious. Not so precious at 2 AM.
7. Repeating yourself at least once is almost a given each time you meet a new person. Don't worry, they won't remember your name anyhow. "What's your name Dear, Sally?" No, Ali. "Ellie? You know I have a granddaughter named Ellie." Not worth explaining it any further.
8. Upon learning that a friend is ill, the rumors start flying and by the end of the week the friend is rumored to have had multiple surgeries, died, and even moved away. Seriously, we've heard it all. Again even if you try to set them straight, someone is bound to screw up the translation.
9. Answering the phone and ending up in a conversation like this. For the millionth time, I AM Dee and Conrad's granddaughter, not the cleaning lady, and yes I do need to know your name!
10. I still find it pee your pants funny when old ladies swear. My Grandma was telling us about how the church was extra hot one Sunday morning and it made her ill, and I quote... "That damn church!"
Heading back to Wisconsin tomorrow to survey the damage on the home front. The Gardener called today to ask for the emergency number at the clinic. Binny fell while taking a shower and split her chin. Never a dull moment...
Updated: Binny had 5 stitches placed in her chin. She called to tell me all about her new blue whiskers. Can't wait to squeeze those girls... and the Gardener.