Saturday, January 16, 2010

Not Sure How This Turned Into TMI, But It Did.

I once again (for the second time in just over a week) find myself all alone in the house. The girls are at a Birthday party and the Gardener and his dad just took off with the tractor and a trailer to pull a dead tree off of some guy's lawn to cut up for firewood. I'm sure it comes as no surprise that firewood is another one of the many things my husband refuses to pay for. The only reason he even uses a dirty, stinky wood burning stove is because it's basically free heat for his shed. Whatever, as long as I get the afternoon to myself, I don't care what he does, just as long as he doesn't amputate something in the process. And yes, I need the afternoon to myself.

All week I've been battling a pesky cold. I'm not usually one to give in and actually go to the doctor for myself but once my eye started to give me problems AND NOT GET BETTER, I decided it was time to get my ass to the clinic and have it checked out. At first it felt like there was something in my eye but after flushing it and examining it in front of the mirror for the better part of Wednesday morning, I gave up and figured that my contacts were the culprit or my eyes were just dry... or something, so I kept the contacts in their case for the next 2 days with absolutely no relief. Hmmm? So finally yesterday I decided I couldn't take the eye BS any longer and at this point I had also diagnosed myself with a sinus infection. Awesome!. So as not to be wasting money on a Doctor visit with just one ailment, I decided to get my money's worth.

Doc couldn't find anything significant wrong with my eye other than an irritated area near my tear duct (Hello!) and agreed that my self-diagnosed sinus infection was indeed antibiotic worthy plus he gave me some drops for the eye. So now I'm using the drops and taking the antibiotic which in turn is making my pee smell extra nasty. (Let's be honest, pee is not a great smell to begin with, but adding an antibiotic or asparagus makes me really want to gag. Eeew!)

The eye is feeling better already but I'm supposed to keep my contacts out for another whole week. Yep, stuck wearing my old glasses for another week. I bought this old pair way back when I was just about due to give birth to Binny. (I'll do the math for you, Binny's 5.) One morning baby Mae decided to break my glasses when I was too sick to pay any attention to the activities of a one year old. I at least had the good sense to replace the broken pair right away but apparently I made my choice from the bargain rack and went for the cheapest pair in the store. Actually considering the crappy quality and ugliness of my glasses, they lasted longer that I had hoped. While we were out in Minnesota over the summer one of the arm thingies broke off while the glasses were on my face! My very cheap resourceful husband fixed them for me. Thank goodness my Brother-in-law keeps a soldering iron around. While my glasses are again useful, they really aren't meant to be worn outside the house, what with a big chunk of silver metal attached to the chipped bronze frames and all. Couple that with my too tight jeans and I'm one hell of a sight this week. All I need is a big nasty cold sore to complete the look.

Does it show that I took maybe a few too many Sudafed (the good semi-illegal stuff) this past week? It may be affecting my blogging...

Let's see, what else? Oh, there was a bird stuck in our house the other day! Yeah that was fun. Well it actually wasn't technically in the house part of our house. It was in the back porch but still, it certainly didn't belong there! I heard something bang on the back door, so I opened up the door to find a bird flying erratically around and around, while Oliver snored away on the floor completely oblivious to our houseguest. I called Rocko out to chase the bird away but he just looked at me like WTF lady? It's cold out here, let me back in the house! Or at least that's what he would have said if dogs could talk. So, of course I did the most reasonable and rational thing I could think of and consulted Facebook. By the time I got any FB responses, the bird decided to find it's way out the open back door. My dad (he doesn't FB or read blogs or any computer-y type stuff) somehow found out that I had a bird in the house and called me with some advice. Said he has a never-fail method for removing critters from attics, garages, back porches, etc. Says it "works every time, never fails!" My dad loves to offer any kind of help he can even if it comes in the form of crazy advice or a goofy story. After telling me a story (see?) about an old friend back in North Dakota and an attic full of squirrels after a tree fell on the roof of his garage, he said to hang an ammonia soaked rag in the infested area and come back a few hours later. The ammonia will either knock them out or be offensive enough to make the critters find a new hang out. Good to know, huh? I'm just glad the bird left without me having to go out there and have my already ailing eyes pecked out intervene.

One more TMI, then I'm done for the day, I promise. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I had a weak stomach (other than the aversion to weird pee smells), like getting grossed out by vomit or snotty noses or stinky dog farts.... or stabbing a cow's placenta with a pitchfork to dispose of it. Seriously, having kids may be desensitizing but it's nothing like working on a dairy farm. There was a calf born yesterday, so I had the pleasure of disposing of the cow's cleaning (farm talk for placenta) last night during chores. Well that's not really true either. I just moved it to a place in the gutter where the cats and dog couldn't reach it so they wouldn't tear it apart and make a mess all over the barn. Besides being slippery and full of blood and other bodily fluids, that sucker is heavy! I'd say 20 pounds or so! After we milked all of the cows and the poor new Mama cow, we had to feed the still soaking wet brand new baby calf. And guess who had the pleasure of holding his/her slippery body up so that it could drink some milk? You guessed it! By the time I finally got home, almost an hour after I usually do, I so badly needed a hot shower. I swear I stayed in there for a good 20 minutes before turning off the water.

Good times!


sheila said...

So where is the picture of the baby calf???? My GOSH! Slacker. :)

Too bad about your eye. That's really kruddy. Blahhhaaa haaa. See, I made ya smile, didn't 'eye'.


I wish you would take my advice and take garlic pills at least once a day. They don't make your breath stink I promise. We've been cold free (knock on wood) since starting to take them in August. (Just sayin, lol)

ANd on a personal note, lol. Not really, but...MELANIE. My gosh. Did they get new writers cuz they've go t me good a couple x's now over the last couple weeks.

Rest up. Garlic. Calf. That's your homework.

Riot Kitty said...

I hope you do not get a cold sore to add to the mix. In Oregon and Washington, you cannot get sudafed now without a prescription. I feel your pain!

Shady Lady said...

Oh no. But thanks for the perfect entertainment while eating my dinner. The cow afterbirth was particularly appetizing. Note to self: Don't read Aliceson's TMI posts during meals. ;P

skyewriter said...

Hope you get to feeling better soon and that your afternoon was peaceful.

Side note to ShadyLady: I cannot post on your blog (*sob*). Blogger does not like my laptop or IP address, or some such nonsense.

Hugs to all,

Kim said...

I never thought I'd live to see the day when I'd read the words "stabbing a cow's placenta with a pitchfork to dispose of it."

Aliceson said...

Skye, So glad you stopped by and on a TMI post, lucky you!

Kim, I never thought I'd see the day when I would be doing such a crazy thing! Just sharing the grossness, I guess.

Kelly said...

Mmmmm, placenta.

LL Cool Joe said...

Now I feel sick. Can't say I go around smelling my own pee, but whatever works for you. ;)

The picture of you with the glasses makes me laugh, but having seen a photo of you on New Years day it's hard to imagine you having put on any weight!

Wild Child said...

Whew, that really couldn't wait until random Tuesday. And all I have to deal with is a child's broken arm.