Monday, April 20, 2009

She's A Terrific Mom

I was all fired up last night and ready to blog about it, but it's never a good idea (for me at least) to blog when I'm angry, so I slept on it, or more accurately tried to sleep on it. To keep it short and as sweet as possible I will say that I had a phone conversation with a first degree relative (that narrows it down almost completely) yesterday that irked me. My relative was going on and on about how a woman he knows is "a terrific mom." Her kids listen to her every command, aren't allowed any indulgences because she's piss broke (his words, not mine) and have never even been to McDonald's. This mom he speaks of is roughly my age (not yet 30) has 4 children all with different fathers, sporadically receives child support when her delinquent baby daddies manage to hold a job long enough that their wages can be garnished.

He feels so bad for her and her situation that he frequently slips her $100 bills to help support her and her 4 children. What? I think it's all fine and good to help out a person in need, but come on. After 2 or 3 kids and mounting bills she decided to have another child with another deadbeat. I'm sorry but this seems like a woman who hasn't learned her lesson, not a woman who needs a handout. And why isn't her family stepping up to help her out financially instead of relying on the kindness of strangers?

What ever happened to the idea of having children when the time is right? What about a stable income and a roof over your head or a committed relationship? I heard a statistic recently that 45% of all babies born in the U.S. are born to unwed mothers. Almost half! While some mothers choose to do the solo parenting thing, I think that is the exception to the rule.

My first child was born 2 weeks after my 22nd Birthday, but I had been married for a year, we owned our own home and never once needed someone to slip me money so I could buy formula and diapers. My husband and I have never been rolling in money, far from it, but we live the best we can with what we have and not beyond. Same goes for mortgages and credit cards. We pay our mortgage every month and try not to carry a balance on our credit cards because it's not responsible. Having more children than you can afford is to me irresponsible. After he (my relative) could tell that I was not impressed with his grass roots philanthropy he said in an effort to cheer me up "she reminds me a lot of you." Not exactly the words I wanted to hear.

I'm sorry if I've offended anyone, but this is how I feel and I needed to get it off my chest. I promise my next post will be a more positive one. And to think this was the sanitized version.

20 comments:

Momma Bear said...

this is your blog and you can rant if you want to! And if it were your party you could cry if you want to...:)

True Blue Texan said...

I can understand your anger. Though at times circumstances seem to do their best to overcome our good intentions, such as layoffs and medical bills, it's hard to feel too sorry for someone in this situation.

It's especially irritating when we're the ones trying to be responsible and see those who apparently aren't acquainted with the notion get kudos and support.

It's entirely likely that your relative may be the only person supporting her at all. Her family may have given up, written her off or just doesn't care that she and her children are "piss broke".

I'm not one to generally condone the kind of behavior this woman seems to excel at but you shouldn't see your relative's support of her as a condemnation of you.

Lynnette Labelle said...

I agree with True Blue Texan. At least someone (your relative) is helping out. Don't think of it as helping the mother. It's the kids that'll hopefully benefit from the donation.

Lynnette Labelle
http://lynnettelabelle.blogspot.com

Rachel said...

Hopefully, another friend is slipping her some birth control. I don't get it, either. Seriously, I can understand 'accidents' happen. But two, three, FOUR times?

She sounds NOTHING like you.

Sidhe said...

We are rarely rewarded for being responsible and doing the right thing as it is expected. In addition, family members seemingly always manage to say the absolute wrong thing to us. The good thing is that, because we are among family, we can absolutely feel free to say something tactless back. Take care, rant when you need to and let your family member know that Nadya Soulman could also use an extra $100 here and there...

Banteringblonde said...

Don't be surprised if she has another kid soon.... seems to be workin' for her.

ugh, and you don't need to sanitize things for us!

Karly said...

It is very irritating to me when people just go out and have children all willy nilly without any planning. I mean, yes, accidents happen, I get that (I was 18 when I had my first child!), but LEARN YOUR LESSON AFTER THE FIRST ONE. Gah.

Riot Kitty said...

That doesn't sound a thing like you - and that's a good thing. Has she considered the pill? Seriously...wow. If you can't feed them, don't breed them!

Angela said...

You and I sound a lot alike, and I agree with you completely.

Out in Them Sticks said...

that would bug me as well. 4 kids, 4 different daddies??? Are you kidding me? That's a good mom??

Sidhe said...

well, she does appear to do the actual conception/birthing part of being a mom very well...

RK-funny with the added bonus of getting right to the point!

Wild Child said...

Hear, hear. Something I could never understand either. In addition, I know not everyone can get into their own house before having a child, but still living in your own parents' house (even though you are married) and getting pregnant, yeah, I think one needs to rethink that. If you don't have the money to afford housing, how can you think having a child is going to help that situation? In the case of your "exemplar" woman, one would hope that before the 4th should would have learned. I hope those children do pull through and do not repeat the past.

Aliceson said...

My relative likened me to this woman in terms of our mothering not our exact situations, but still it hurt to not be recognized for my non dramatic mothering lifestyle.

I always get a little nervous with these types of critical posts. Thanks for the support ladies!

Kelly said...

I am all for responsible breeding.

You may have noticed I only have ONE kid and there are a lot of good reasons for that in this household.

sheila said...

I try not to write when I'm angry too. I think you handled yourself very well. Although I would of LOVED to see your 'real angry' rant! :)

I totally agree with you. I wonder how many other enablers this mom has, besides your relative.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

I don't get it either.

Anonymous said...

Hi Friends,

I Find Absolutely FREE PlayBoy & Penthous

http://www.girlsupdates.com

If I find something else I'll inform you.

Best Regards,
Maria

Debbie said...

I often find myself in the same situation you are in - feeling indignation at people who somehow keep milking the system and doing it so well. You can rant to me whenever you want!

Anonymous said...

WTF Maria?!?!

--Laura

Funnyrunner said...

Amen, sistah