I was all fired up last night and ready to blog about it, but it's never a good idea (for me at least) to blog when I'm angry, so I slept on it, or more accurately tried to sleep on it. To keep it short and as sweet as possible I will say that I had a phone conversation with a first degree relative (that narrows it down almost completely) yesterday that irked me. My relative was going on and on about how a woman he knows is "a terrific mom." Her kids listen to her every command, aren't allowed any indulgences because she's piss broke (his words, not mine) and have never even been to McDonald's. This mom he speaks of is roughly my age (not yet 30) has 4 children all with different fathers, sporadically receives child support when her delinquent baby daddies manage to hold a job long enough that their wages can be garnished.
He feels so bad for her and her situation that he frequently slips her $100 bills to help support her and her 4 children. What? I think it's all fine and good to help out a person in need, but come on. After 2 or 3 kids and mounting bills she decided to have another child with another deadbeat. I'm sorry but this seems like a woman who hasn't learned her lesson, not a woman who needs a handout. And why isn't her family stepping up to help her out financially instead of relying on the kindness of strangers?
What ever happened to the idea of having children when the time is right? What about a stable income and a roof over your head or a committed relationship? I heard a statistic recently that 45% of all babies born in the U.S. are born to unwed mothers. Almost half! While some mothers choose to do the solo parenting thing, I think that is the exception to the rule.
My first child was born 2 weeks after my 22nd Birthday, but I had been married for a year, we owned our own home and never once needed someone to slip me money so I could buy formula and diapers. My husband and I have never been rolling in money, far from it, but we live the best we can with what we have and not beyond. Same goes for mortgages and credit cards. We pay our mortgage every month and try not to carry a balance on our credit cards because it's not responsible. Having more children than you can afford is to me irresponsible. After he (my relative) could tell that I was not impressed with his grass roots philanthropy he said in an effort to cheer me up "she reminds me a lot of you." Not exactly the words I wanted to hear.
I'm sorry if I've offended anyone, but this is how I feel and I needed to get it off my chest. I promise my next post will be a more positive one. And to think this was the sanitized version.