Monday, August 17, 2009

My Letter To Altoids

I wrote this post a while back but never got around to clicking the Publish button, so I thought now would be a good time to finally post it.

First of all Altoids, I must admit that I have been a huge fan of you for years. I've been sucking you for a good 10 years now and I always enjoy myself. Your mints! Not your... ya know? Oh well, what I really mean is I love Altoids mints, specifically Sugar-Free Altoids Smalls. They are super minty and sugar free but don't taste like sugar-free, yet really teeny so they are discreet other than the fact that I must smell like I spilled an entire bottle of Listerine all over myself.

But what I really love about Altoids smalls beside the actual mints themselves, is the packaging. The flat red and white metal box with a sliding lid. Perfect, Fantastic even! But then you had to go and change the perfect, FANTASTIC little box with the sliding lid to a little suitcase looking, metal box with a hinged lid. A f*cking hinged lid! That's why I switched from the big Altoids to the smalls in the first place. The box was so much better. The sliding lid is great because I can slide it open just a teeny bit and pour (?) out a mint, close it back up and shove it back into my cluttered purse. The hinged boxes are so difficult to open and then when I finally pry it open, the entire contents of the box goes flying across my car, the kitchen, or the Doctor's office waiting room. The last one got me when I was pregnant with Binny (That was 5 years ago, I haven't forgotten about that yet.) Crawling around on my hands and knees trying to pick up the 1000 mints that launched out of my grip in an attempt to shove a mint in my mouth to try and ease my incredible morning sickness. Very funny! That and the ridiculous paper liner that is always in the way. Seriously, why is that annoying paper liner necessary? Cut the crap and save a tree!

I know you are considered a fancy schmancy mint, being curiously strong and all, but really you are only one spot away from the Certs on the shelf at the grocery store. You can be replaced, you know. Until you pull your head out of your asses and switch back to the old boxes that held 60 mints vs. the new box that only holds 50, I will be saving my old boxes and transferring new mints into the old boxes (stubborn old lady style) and complaining about it... or switching to Certs.

*No Mom, I'm not actually going to send this to Altoids.


Shady Lady said...

You tell 'em!

T. Anne said...

LOL! BTW, I really prefer certs anyway ;)

Momma Bear said...

packaging is HUGE! Go gettem girl!!

Riot Kitty said...

You SHOULD send it.

This is the best line ever, in the history of the English language:

I've been sucking you for a good 10 years now and I always enjoy myself.

LL Cool Joe said...

Well I didn't expect to come to your blog and read this! "I've been sucking you for a good 10 years now and I always enjoy myself."

I've never had Altoids. They sound like a bad sexual disease to me. Ok maybe there's a connection between all this! ;)

Such Lovely Freckles said...

I hate Altoids... and their stupid little boxes. I think you should send this to them. :)