Friday, February 27, 2009

An Open Letter To My Washing Machine

Just die already! Seriously, you have put in many years of service and deserve a break, and really so do I. You cost me nothing, this I know. You showed up at our door on an appliance dolly still in the prime of your life ready to go again, and I appreciate that.

You washed my clothes for a very long time faithfully without so much as a peep or leaky hose. You accepted the fact that I have a tendency to herniate overload you all the time on occasion. You didn't bitch, and I appreciate that too, I really do. But recently you have had some slight issues and I don't want you to feel bad or anything but there comes a point in life when... well things don't work like they used to.

You used to do an entire load of rugs without any trouble, now you grunt an groan over a simple load of whites on the delicate cycle. I mean come on, delicate? how more careful can I be? Your fun antics of shaking and gyrating all over my laundry room has started to scare my children and make a mess now that you have lost all control of your fluids. Yeah we could probably have you repaired but at this point I would rather put you to rest and maybe even recycle you so you could live again in another form. So please before I have to get out a hammer and smash your innards, GIVE IT UP. And while your at it take your lousy dryer friend with you.

8 comments:

Sara said...

Best post ever!

Such Lovely Freckles said...

Poor washing machine... abused for years... and then under-appreciated. Shame on you, woman! Find the poor soul a nice nursery home, where someone can wipe its fluids from the floor, feeds it with the occasional load of one pair of jeans, and stands by it as it rattles and shakes. Long live the old washer. ;)

Or well... DIE ALREADY, stupid washer!

Shady Lady said...

:( I'm getting all teary over here...

Kelly said...

Funny. I needed that.

sheila said...

Okay now, that was just plain funny. I could send my daughter over to overload yours and fry out the inards like she did to mine a couple weeks ago. lol.

I'll tell ya though, with my new (cheap $300+tax) machine...my clothes have a fresh smell like I haven't smelt in a long...loonnnnng time. Ahhhhh.

Aliceson said...

Don't cry Shady Lady, it's time...

Sheila,
Send her over! I can't wait for that clean clothes, new washing machine smell.

skyewriter said...

We rent and our landlady is kind enough to provide a washer and dryer for our apartment.

Our dryer must be related to your washing machine.

It takes an hour to dry two pairs of jeans.

They do work and work and work.

It's sad yours is dying a slow (and painful to you) death.

*sob*

Out in Them Sticks said...

hilarious! thanks for this read.