Friday, February 6, 2009

Words This Mom Never Likes To Hear

"Maaah-om, Doopie peed on the sofa"

Oh yeah, the dog I allow to lay on the sofa because of his arthritic legs, just soiled my sofa. Now before you vomit in your coffee, I haven't determined whether it was drool or pee. It could just be drool but still that's pretty gross. I took a sniff, but can't tell. Is there a way to determine what the wet spot is without sending a sample to the state crime lab???

Not that this will shock anyone, but this is not the first time we've had a bodily fluid spill on our furniture. When I was pregnant with Mae, we decided that it was time to get some real furniture that wasn't purchased at a thrift store or pulled out of a musty old basement. I was all concerned about having nice new clean furniture for when the baby arrived. What was I thinking? It must have been the nesting, or it was the fact that I wasn't a mom yet and had no idea that these children (and pets) would ruin not only my furniture but any surface that will accept a permanent marker. We bought the whole furniture set, sofa, love seat (short sofa), recliner, coffee table and end tables. We opted for the scotch guard protector for the extra hundred bucks, but really is a little spray on fabric protector any match for dog pee or super-explosive baby vomit? I think not. After a few spilled baby bottles on the sofa when Mae was a babe, I thought my furniture had seen it all. Enter Binny. Binny was my puker. As an infant Binny had so many digestive issues that her Dr. thought would be cleared up by simply feeding her soy formula. Not only did the soy formula not work, but it made the nasty puke smell even worse. I remember so clearly, one afternoon I was rocking Binny in the chair (the only thing that stopped her constant crying) and BOOM! Vomit everywhere. All over me, her, the chair and Mae who was also on my lap enjoying some cuddle time with mom. I had to call hubby over to remove the children one by one because I didn't dare move and spread the mess. I scrubbed and scrubbed that damn chair until the fabric started to pill and the smell was STILL THERE. It took me a few weeks of daily scrubbing and way too much much Febreeze to finally rid the chair of the baby puke stench. And 4 years later, we still have the chair. How gross are we?

10 comments:

Kelly said...

Sounds about right to me.

Shady Lady said...

We opted for leather furniture. Everything wipes right off. You just have to make sure to get in the crease where the seat and back meet...or man that can get sticky. Not that I would know that. I always clean up perfectly.

Rachel said...

Not gross at all. Sounds completely familiar. We are in desperate need of a new couch, but I refuse to spend the money on something that will just end up ruined in a few short years.

Also, with a dog named "Doopie", I'm surprised it's *just* pee/drool... ;)

AmyG said...

I refuse to buy new furniture until my girls move out, lol. I can't even begin to tell you everything that's been on our furniture and carpet.

skyewriter said...

I laughed (sorry) so hard.
You are very witty and good at painting images with your writing (even gross ones)!

Hope your doggy is okay.

True Blue Texan said...

You are not gross. You are a parent. Standards we have as single adults change when faced with explosive diarrhea (thank god for spell check) and aging pets. My carpet has stains on the stains from an old dog that just didn't give a damn any more. (RIP, Scooter) Children are no better. You know, milk may be the wonder food but it leaves a stinky mess when its used and one almost as bad when its spilled. You can never get everything out of the backing.

Debbie said...

Not gross - just normal parents!

Sidhe said...

You crack me up.

We went through two sofas due to dogs and kids prior to purchasing leather. Oh, I love my leather, it does get some scratches on it from the claws but I made sure to get a distressed piece so that the scratches would fit right in.

Seriously, it's just real life...

suchlovelyfreckles said...

Oh, how I remember those wonderful times of puked on couches. My daughter spit after every feeding. It was driving me crazy, because sometimes that meant puke on the couch every day, sometimes several times a day. I even used a towel on the couch, but then my child would just wait long enough to move to a spot without the towel and puked there.
I vividly remember those tv nights, when a mixture of puke and Febreze filled the room. Lovely. :) We kept that couch 5 long years. Then we moved and bought a leather couch... and nobody pukes on it...

Momma Bear said...

My sofas, same thing. We had two dogs and they both managed to peed on the sofas and bring you know whatever from outside on their paws and then put it on the couch. The worst you know beyond the normal baby puke, poop and pee is the shredded, day old dipes that the dog shredded numerous times on the sofa.
The "before you vomit in your coffee" statement was such a hilarious visual. Not sure why it struck me so but I keep laughing about it.